Monday, March 5, 2018

Fear of Success: Fear-based Thought is the Dream Killer

What is a fear of success?  Is that even real?  Can someone be so scared of their success that they block opportunities?  YES!  At the root of it, however, is another fear.  It is the fear of change.  It is the fear of public ridicule or judgement.  It is the fear of failing if the road to success requires risk.  Or the fear of the downward spiral after the win.  The fear of success if fueled by a fear of other things.  It is the fear mentality that stifles growth.

Speaking kindly to yourself is key.  What do you speak to yourself?  Do you say things like... well, I am not as smart as all these people that are successful?  Do you say, that kind of luck only happens to other people?  That mentality will keep you small.  That kind of mentality will prevent you from growing.  Your focus is on what you don't have.  Your focus is not on you and your personal growth.  You're speaking negativity before you can plant a seed of positive growth.  We replay negativity in our heads, overwhelmed with personal problems like bills, money, family relationships, romantic relationships, etc.

Let's say your dream is to get married and have a healthy relationship.  How many women do you know that meet a good guy who is honest and has a well-placed moral compass, but they ruin chances of a relationship because of fear?  Fear of cheating.  Fear of being used.  The fear prevented a good relationship, because it is an imaginary fear of what could happen, not what is actually happening.  So they run from someone who could be the fulfillment of that dream.  It happens to women in a relationship as well, accusing men of cheating, even with no evidence, breaking into phones and checking social media accounts for anything that will validate their self-sabotaging behavior.  They make their partner feel so trapped with their negative energy that the relationship ends.  Men do it, too, especially with jealousy which is another form of control due to a fear of losing.  It's all based on an illusion!  It is all based on what the mind convinces you could happen, not on what is actually happening.  Before you know it, the dream of a happy relationship is stifled by accusations and arguments that it dies.

That example could be used when it comes to explain the fear of career success.  If you have a steady job that barely pays the bills but is stable, a job where you are stuck doing your job and your bosses, a job that you dread going to everyday, but you stay.... Why?  You can get a job at a bigger organization or get make your own business.  Fear.  Fear of change.  Fear of responsibility.  Intimidation of large, well-known organizations.

I do this myself as I start on the publishing journey.  Sure, self-publishing today can give you some pocket money, especially if you are good at marketing, but nothing like traditional publishing, unless you have a huge built-in audience and/or a good size marketing budget.  I fill my mind with negativity.  "Oh, I am not talented enough."  "My manuscript isn't good enough.  It is too different."  "I am nobody, why would an agent take my work seriously?"  "I don't know if I can work with a big publisher, I'm not equipped to handle the responsibilities that entails."  "I should just self publish again."  My mind keeps me thinking small, stifles my growth until I'm not doing the things I set out to do in life.  If I listened to it, eventually, I wouldn't act at all in the direction of my dreams.  I would let the fear surround me until my negative thoughts are on loop, replaying and replaying, unable to move.

Fear is the dream killer.

Until, I change my mind, that is.  Positive affirmations can help, but it takes time to overcome a negative mentality.  It takes constant correction.  When you start to hear yourself speaking negativity, recognize it.  Reprogram your brain by replacing it with a positive statement like "I am worthy of success."  Then make a step in the direction of your goals.  The minute I recognize my negative thought, I say to myself, "I am smart, I am worthy...." Then I do something productive, whether that is to write or send out another query.  Even if the steps are small, they are in the right direction.  Yes, every step can have some fear attached to it.  No one is fearless.  The difference is moving past it, not letting it govern your decisions.  Move past the fear with positive self talk and actions.  Move past the doubt, and when you see results, the fear will lessen, and you will crave more results.

Change your mind and you can change your future.

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